Saturday, November 21, 2015

Child Abuse - Some Places Are, Sadly, Worse

When I first came to Karnataka as a kid in her late teens, I had lived in a place where people were ashamed to be seen throwing their own dustbins but would pay little servant children one rupee to throw the dustbin into the main dump for them. Little girls were brutally molested at the age of four on buses with their mums standing right next to them, unaware a grown man was torturing their child.

My prettier classmates were so traumatised by molestation on buses, that they would avoid taking the particular number of the bus for the rest of their lives. I saw naked or semi-naked teenagers walking dazed and abandoned on the way to school, having lost their minds after being raped by perverts who took their clothes away so that the kids would keep suffering even after being raped as they would have to walk around naked. At school, teachers having an eye on little class 9 girls and sometimes marrying them as soon as they came of age did happen, but should such paedophile behavior be tolerated even if it ends in marriage?

Because my dad was dead, the uncle who was an uncle to all other kids, and had a son my age, deliberately rolled his tongue and bent his head to show me he was staring at my body, even in front of his wife. I hated life and wanted to die ever since I was four. I hated men. I continually fantasized of torturing my molesters to death as a means of escaping from the pain. I was not alive, nothing seemed real.

I then came to Karnataka. The first time in my life, I saw how nice and trustworthy Kannadiga men were, how kind. They treated me like a child, and were so fatherly. Far from molesting little girls, they were more interested in going to work, cleaning their houses in the morning, taking their wives out for a treat at the hotel so that they would not have to cook. These men made me realize that my attitude towards men was generalized and unfair, and gave me the gift of learning to think of men as good human beings who could be some of the most decent friends I have ever had.

I learnt to smile after many years, to want to live. I started making friends, even male friends, I stopped shivering when I saw a man. I learnt to accept love and friendship. Among South Indian men, even poor laborers were much more unperverted and kind-hearted than professors in the sadistic place I'd left. One day, when I was new to Bangalore, a lorry driver started putting his hand behind my neck on the back of the seat, and flicking his fingers. A poor Tamil laborer sitting behind me gave him such a glare that he got scared and moved away. Where I came from, if a man saw a child being molested, he would join in. That is why, Karnataka is a place I love.

Little do people know what exactly happens when a kid is located in an unsafe part of India. I see Indibloggers theorizing that women are bad and torture men in offices, that fears are exaggerated, and I wonder how much of life such armchair social scientists have seen. Let them take their four year old daughter to such a place and when she comes and tells them in their baby language how and where they have been touched, such armchair scientists will puke out their theories with the vomit they feel like making.

I'm grateful that people in Karnataka protect and love children for the major part, and such incidents are less here. If it hadn't been for my coming here, I would not be alive today. This is the only place I've felt safe in, and healed to become someone who loves people. Today, I've left my fears behind, but I still wish people at least try to understand how unsafe female children can be and have some sympathy for them instead of getting defensive and passing generalisations about female bosses being worse than male bosses or females misusing the law, both of which, even if true have NOTHING to do with child abuse, and therefore do nothing to refute the existence of child abuse.

Mental Healthcare That Works

 An article by The Hank Nunn Institute


Mental healthcare is a neglected need in India
An estimated 12% of Indians suffer from clinical depression[1]. In August 2014, the world was shocked when Hollywood comedian Robin Williams committed suicide after battling severe depression for years[2]. About a year earlier, Bollywood actress Jiah Khan allegedly committed suicide, depressed over her career and relationship[3]. Many other Indian celebrities have fought depression and emerged strong – the most recent case being that of actress Deepika Padukone, who shared the story of her battle with depression in an interview to TV channel NDTV in March 2015
Another psychological disorder that affects many Indians today is Bipolar Mood Disorder. It is estimated that 1% of Indians suffer from severe cases of bipolar disorder, and 5-6% may be suffering from milder forms of the illness[4].
It is not only the affluent class in India, who are prone to depression and bipolar disorder. In an overview of Indian research in depression, it was found that depression is more common in people from poor economic background and with poor nutritional status[5].
With the prevalence of mental disorders like depression and bipolar disorder being high, India also has a high requirement of trained psychotherapists. However, it is estimated that there is a shortfall of 8500 psychiatrists, 6750 psychologists and 22600 psychiatric social workers in India[6].
While the affluent can access and afford psychiatrists and psychologists for one-to-one therapy, those from low-income families not only have difficulty in accessing mental healthcare, they also cannot afford expensive psychotherapy sessions. The result is that many Indians suffering from depression and bipolar disorder never undergo treatment, while those with more severe mental illnesses such as schizophrenia end up in one of the frightful mental hospitals in the country or approach traditional ‘healers’, where they are often ill-treated, physically abused and tortured[7].
Making mental healthcare affordable: therapeutic communities
Therapeutic communities are structured treatment programmes for the mentally ill, where the relationships, structure of the day and different activities are deliberately designed to help in the treatment of the community members[8]. The group relations and the community itself, rather than any single element, form the primary therapeutic agent[9]. Trained therapist(s) act as facilitators to plan and move through the activities each day and to provide specialised support to any of the members as per requirement.Image title
[Source: Haigh, Rex (2013): The quintessence of a therapeutic environment]
In India, the oldest therapeutic community (TC) centre – the Athma Shakti Vidyalaya (ASV) – was established in Bangalore in the year 1979 by Father Hank Nunn SJ, a Canadian Jesuit priest. In 2013, Father Hank Nunn’s contribution was recognised by the Times of India, as he was adjudged one of the finalists of The Bangalore Mirror’s “Bangalore Heroes”[10]. Father Hank Nunn continues to be a part of Athma Shakti Vidyalaya and is respectfully known as “Dad” of all the members of ASV.
The Hank Nunn Institute (HNI), named after Father Hank Nunn, has been established by Anando Chatterji and Shama Parkhe. Anando is a Philosophy graduate, has been trained as a psychotherapist and worked at ASV for over a decade. Shama holds a Masters Degree in Clinical Psychology from Christ University, Bangalore and works as Clinical Director of HNI, Bangalore.
HNI is the first initiative to take the TC model of treatment to rural areas of India, and Anando and Shama have set up treatment centres in Uttarahalli, Off Bannerghata Road, Bangalore and in Dharwad, Karnataka. Our projects are a mix of Day TCs (where members come from home in the morning and go back at the end of day) and fully-residential TCs.
The Uttarahalli project, which is a Day TC, has been running since May 2015 and currently has five members under treatment. The members – four young boys and one girl – are from different parts of India and suffer from a wide range of mental disorders including schizophrenia, mild autism, personality disorder and bipolar disorder. We charge only a nominal amount, 10% of the costs, from the members who are undergoing treatment at the centre, and the Uttarahalli project is run with support from the trustees of HNI and other private donors.
For the Dharwad project, a trained psychotherapist has already been identified. We plan to set up two other centres – one in Penukonda, Andhra Pradesh and another in HD Kote, Karnataka. This initial crowdfunding project is to help setup the Penukonda project.
HNI Penukonda Therapeutic Community: India’s first rural therapeutic community
HNI has partnered with Stree Sanghshema Trust (SST), a local NGO to set up the Penukonda project. SST was set up in 1987 by Chandra Kanjilal, a dynamic single lady who moved from Delhi to Penukonda to work for empowerment of rural women. The NGO has been running successfully for more than 25 years, training women from 20 villages in Anantpur district on financial literacy and helping them financially by manufacturing and selling cards, herbal soaps and medicines and organic products and by renting out the 5 acre training centre owned by the NGO. In collaboration with SST, we now plan to set up India’s first rural therapeutic community centre at the SST training centre, catering to the villages in and around Anantpur district of Andhra Pradesh. The SST farmhouse in Penukonda is located at a distance of 142kms from Bangalore.
In September 2015, we had organised a three-day workshop on therapeutic communities at the SST farmhouse for students of Psychology Department, Christ University, Bangalore. The building needs repairs and electrical work, for which we plan to organise another three-day residential programme at the farmhouse, taking 20 volunteers from Bangalore. These 20 volunteers will be given a brief immersion into the therapeutic community experience and will also be involved in carrying out the repair and restoration work.

Image title
Glimpses of the workshop for Christ University students conducted by HNI at the SST campus, Penukonda, Andhra Pradesh
The total estimated cost of repairs and restoration of the SST building and to establish the therapeutic community by January 2016 is Rs 400,000, of which HNI has already raised Rs 200,000 privately. This crowdfunding campaign is to raise the remaining half of the requirement.
Image title
The SST building, showing some of the repair and reconstruction work required
The cost estimate includes the cost of travel and food for 20 volunteers for the three-day immersion workshop. This is estimated to be 16% of the total budget. The cost of hiring a plumber, electrician and carpenter for three days is another 15% of the total budget. The remaining 70% of the budget is for fixtures and materials to be purchased.
We hope that with your support, we can set up India’s first affordable rural residential therapeutic community centre at Penakonda, Andhra Pradesh and help us take a step towards a new model of affordable healthcare for the mentally ill in India.
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[1] Source: http://indiatoday.intoday.in/story/cover-story-increasing-depression-terrible-secret-among-youngstars-ignorance/1/419877.html
[2] Source: http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/robin-williams-autopsy-confirms-death-746194
[3] Source: http://www.thehealthsite.com/diseases-conditions/i-am-broken-inside-lessons-from-jiah-khans-death-and-suicide-note/
[4] Source: http://www.telegraphindia.com/1120916/jsp/7days/story_15982265.jsp#.VhFcRHqqqko
[5] Grover et al (2010): An overview of Indian research in depression: Indian Journal of Psychiatry: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3146226/
[6] Source: http://indiatoday.intoday.in/story/cover-story-increasing-depression-terrible-secret-among-youngstars-ignorance/1/419877.html
[7] Source: http://www.dw.com/en/mentally-ill-suffer-a-horrible-fate-in-india/a-17007499 and http://www.ndtv.com/india-news/harsh-conditions-found-in-indian-mental-health-facilities-for-women-708087
[8] Source: http://www.therapeuticcommunities.org/what-is-a-tc/
[9] Source: http://www.therapeuticcommunities.org/definitions/
[10] Read the report here: http://www.bangaloremirror.com/heroesshow/25601968.cms

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Labels Make Mental Illness Seem Unsurmountable

Mental distress and social difficulties are not really easily categorisable. The insistence of doctors at the best of Indian hospitals to diagnose and label OCD or Bipolar or Borderline may not always be in the best interests of the patients.

If the patient is not so seriously deficient, and can manage basic interactions and conversations and even a full time job, even though they might be suffering, labels may do more harm than good.

Helping them how to have interactive conversations, developing a world of interests and schedules and work and friends outside their head, simplifying and removing excess thought is much more helpful.

Helping them not to get paralyzed by the bewildering social mistakes they make but learn to love themselves and others.

Getting them exposed to simulations or scenarios in which they see people not rejecting each other after various social disturbances and disagreements.

Label such a person as OCD or Manic, and you're not really tackling the lack of social experience and skills which makes the disturbed person react with fear to small situations.

And as usual, to sign off, I talk about the wonderful work my friend Ananado Chatterjee is doing for no profit with the Hank Nunn Institute, named after Hank Nunn, a Canadian guy we all call dad. 

Monday, August 17, 2015

Priorities Messed Up

Treading with fear
Unaware that ones eyes are closed
Priorities Messed Up

Keeping ones voice low
While ones fleeing feet panic aloud
Priorities Messed Up

Communicating in strong words
As ones hands visibly tremble
Priorities messed up

Brushing life's teeth
But forgetting the paste
Priorities messed up

And as usual, to sign off, I talk about the wonderful work my friend Ananado Chatterjee is doing for no profit with the Hank Nunn Institute, named after Hank Nunn, a Canadian guy we all call dad. 

Sunday, August 16, 2015

Non-Violent Communication: Hypersensitivity Demystified for Me

I have always been hypersensitive. To the beauties of nature, to the love from my friends, to the smiles of strangers, and most unfortunately, to the not so easy stuff.

I was determined to improve and to disregard my feelings and thoughts as hypersensitive crap, when I started off attending these NVC sessions. There, they taught us to be aware of our feelings and accept them as important. It was the opposite of what I had wanted to learn.

It was difficult, super-intense, boy! The last session I attended, it was the first time it was a two day session instead of just one.

I got fever on Monday, could not go to work on Tuesday, went to Appollo hospital on Wednesday where the Dr suspected pneumonia! Woah! False alarm!

And today, Sunday, as you go out with your boyfriend or girlfriend, or play with your baby, I am working from home to compensate for all that leave.

But I'm glad. You know why? Because that intense stuff helped me decide feelings are normal and OK. And I need not make every day self-improvement day.

After the fever, I'm feeling healthier.

Attend an NVC session guys, and do the activities, especially if you tend to dismiss your feelings as silly, but they still bother you tons.

And as usual, to sign off, I talk about the wonderful work my friend Ananado Chatterjee, so wise he was born with an NVC spoon in his mouth, is doing for no profit with the Hank Nunn Institute, named after Hank Nunn, a Canadian guy we all call dad.

Saturday, August 15, 2015

How to Stop Crying When You're Hysterical

Sometimes, the world just seems a bad place. Worries pile up. Life seems incomplete, yet almost ending. Disappointment turns to fear, and you can't take it any more.

It's late at night, and you've taken care of everyone, but there is no one to help you reduce the ache in your chest.

You remember and relive worse and worse incidents and suddenly, you're crying and cannot stop. You know you will get sinus pain, or maybe fever if you go on, but you've lost it, so then, what to do?

Well, taking a warm bath is one thing that is easy and will cheer you up. Another way is to confront yourself out of love for yourself and sternly tell yourself to just let go. This way is better as it offers a more long-lasting solution, but it requires practice.

If this sort of thing is happening almost daily for a month or more, consider getting help. The Hank Nunn Institute can help you as well.

Grown Ups Need to Play Too

In Indian culture, which is very child-centric, grown ups, especially women, do not play much. But play is good not only for kids.

Outdoor sport, such as badminton, basketball etc, can help make you happier and healthier. These are social games, played with other people, and help build bonds.

After marriage, life can get difficult and draining especially for women. Managing cooking, kids, in-laws, guests has led some of my married friend to become very resigned and passive.

It is essential to find even five or ten minutes to play outdoors in a day, even if it is a simple game of tag with the lady next door.

Just ensure you are away from all your responsibilities for that short while. Hand your baby to your dad-in-law for ten minutes, smile and play. It is normal and healthy to have a child in you as long as you can keep it happy. Play is something children get happy about, and that includes the child in you.